In a few weeks my beautiful bride and I will celebrate surviving our first year of marriage. Surviving is no joke, we literally had an extremely trying year. When we were first married, we didn’t expect the difficulties that would arise from combining two lives into one. Every flaw we ever had was thrown back in our faces through the reflection of ourselves we saw in each other. It is a funny thing how much a spouse will bring out in you, both the good and the bad.

You see, our marriage wasn’t thriving like it is now until something drastic happened. In what was our biggest confrontation to date, we questioned everything. Was it a mistake? Did we mess up? Are we supposed to work this out somehow? After the worst 36 hours of our marriage, we sat down and had an open discussion; this talk was done with her starting first and me shutting up and listening. For an hour she poured her heart out, and yeah a lot of what she revealed about me hurt me to my core. Then my turn came, and I did the same. After our talk, we decided that we actually NEEDED more talks like this. The thing we avoided was the very thing we needed the most: open and honest discussions.

Ever since that day, we have had ground rules in place for disagreements. It is nothing short of hard work, but it is paying dividends!!! Talk about reaping what you sow; we sow compliments, affirmations, quality time, touch, and more. What do we reap? Feeling wanted, needed, valued, treasured, adored, affirmed, empowered…

We live in a world of social media that acts like their world is perfect. Marriages, jobs, fitness, everything is insta this or pinsta that, just so so with no errors. BULL CRAP. Our marriage is hard work. Owning a company is hard work. My MBA classes are hard work. Literally everything is work.

I see this same evolution with people new to losing weight. First they join Team Brewery excited, not knowing how hard it is. Then they fight with cravings, fitting training into a busy life, and learning to love themselves. They are literally trying to survive. Countless conversations happen between us; I hear everything from “I just want to dive headfirst into a vat of fudge” to “The scale didn’t move today and I’m ready to cry.” Been there… It sucks.

Every client hits what I call “the moment.” Heck, some of them hit it more than once… “The moment” is when they decide to stop over-eating, to put in the hard work, and live by a standard when cravings or lethargy set in. Suddenly the scale starts moving and they begin losing fat. They realize the things they have been avoiding were the very things they needed, just like my marriage; when we begin to embrace the things we have been running from, we begin to change. Over time, they begin to learn to love their body again, and they love it because they have sown the seeds of hunger, soreness, sweat, and tears. Their body now is not their enemy, but the sum of their actions.

I truly believe people need to learn to love themselves again, and not in a self-absorbed way. No, rather they need to love themselves like they would love a friend, desiring them health and happiness. But since there is no such thing as a free lunch, they have to sow those seeds. Until those seeds are sown, watered, and grown with dedication, nothing will change. If you are doubting whether you have what it takes or not, let me be the one to believe in you FOR you. You are wonderful, you are powerful, and you have what it takes. Let’s get this work done together!!!

 

Jay Brewer,

The Aspie Coach