The first year of marriage is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is full of crap. People pretending to enter this blissful life of romance, perfect communication, and champagne either are so far removed from their first year of marriage they have forgotten it, or they have not yet had a first year of marriage.



See this picture? It drives me nuts, and I love it at the same time. The potted plant is on the scale. Again. I don’t know how many times I have asked her (at LEAST as many times as she has asked me to put my clothe IN the hamper twice) to not put it there as I don’t want to throw off the scale. But there the plant sits, despite me moving it every day and twice on Sunday.

But the bagels… Yep, she made those! Pesto bagels with Mozzarella Cheese on top! That seriously was probably the best snack I’ve ever had. That day I was tired, hungry, and so beat up from life I didn’t even want to make food. My bride steps in and tells me her idea for food and asks if I would like to have her make it for me. I graciously said yes and proceeded to collapse on the couch. Out came a bottle of wine and bagels covered in heavenly cheesy goodness. Redneck delight!

So both of these concepts are captured in this picture. In fact, I think like this as an autistic person: everything is a picture. On one hand I have something minor that irritates me, and on the other I have an act of service and love that means the world to me. All too often in early marriage have my wife and I focused on the small things instead of the larger picture. We have wasted time bickering over where this goes, or why we want that to be a certain way, blah blah blah. Soon enough we are apologizing for having an idiotic fight over something rather meaningless. We get focused on small things instead of the larger picture: our love for each other and the desire to make life better for one another.

At the end of the day it all matters what you CHOOSE to look at; will you nit pick at each other, or appreciate the big things you do? Will you waste your time and energy arguing with someone you love, or build them up by honoring them? What’s it gonna be? The plant or the bagel?

Jay Brewer,

The Aspie Coach